The AT&T Call
One thing that has always bugged me, and I’m sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:
Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T…
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T…
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T…
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T; may I speak to Miss Sutphin please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Miss Sutphin?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T…
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T…
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, is this Miss Sutphin?
Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes ma’am.
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes ma’am.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes ma’am, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren’t selling phones today Miss Sutphin.
Me: Well whatever it is, I’m really not interested but thanks for calling.When you are not interested in something, I don’t think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying, “I’m really not interested”, but this lady was persistent.
AT&T: Miss Sutphin we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year.Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a “rate” of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
Me: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes ma’am that’s right!
24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That’s right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes ma’am.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That’s amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That’s quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes ma’am, it’s amazing how it ads up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of
the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash
advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days
a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I’m just
interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no ma’am I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn’t you say you’d give me 10 cents a minute?
Are you sure this is AT&T?
AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T ma’am but……
Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 cents a
minute that I’ll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal
telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this in the Enquirer you know.
Don’t use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
AT&T: No ma’am we are offering 10 cents a minute for…..
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Ma’am I don’t think that is necessary.
Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
AT&T: What?
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes Miss Sutphin. Please hold on.So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I’m waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
Supervisor: Miss Sutphin?
Me: Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes ma’am, it sure is.I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could
sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I’ll transfer you back to the person who was
helping you.
Me: Thank you.I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this conversation.
Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.AT&T: Hello Miss Sutphin, I understand that you are interested in signing up
for our plan?
Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have
enough friends and I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little
brother…
AT&T: (click)Dear JanieBlue84-
I love you.
WOW, that was so fun.
I want the audio!
